I watch as people board the subway and crowd next to me. Everyone going different places, running different lives, many weathered hearts and yet they still have the strength to smile. I just sit back and watch how so many people can be united in one place for a similar cause: running away. Their faces are lined with tears that have raced over their faces so many times that there are perminate tracks. The battle wounds that marks them for who they are and what they've been through.

I ponder my life, unsure of what to do or how to deal afraid to move forword and too scared to look into the past. The decisions frighten me. I don't want to lose my morals but that's all that I seem to do. I wonder why things couldn't have been easier.

The crowd lessens, the bodies move together as one, like a heartbeat. The train stops, doors open, feet shuffle off, feet shuffle on, they scarmble for the empty seats, and the train moves again and the cycle continues. Sometimes it feels like things are planned, the world is planned into an underlying order that no one is aware of and cannot understand.

The tears fall down my face, creating tear tracks for me to wear proudly, to show who I am becoming. My heart is filled with hurt and fear. The battle wounds express that. They lay the story down slowly as they fall down the soft skin of my face.

A great man told me once, "You cannot live your life in fear."

And I've recently understood this. For if we are to be afraid to get off that subway, to take a risk and run away to a new life then we will be stuck in a half life. Non-existing to the world. If you don't choose to face it, you cannot progress. Your life will stay the same or fail.

But I'm too scared to step off. I'm too scared to choose which exit, for there are so many and I do not know which is the right one for me. And I don't want to keep coming back and ride this thing forever trying to find the right stop.

We stop again, and this time I stand to get off but my feet aren't working, my heartbeat quickens and I sit back down taking in deep breaths to calm my nerves.

The voice inside me says, "You must do it. Or you'll never get off."

I know that the sooner the better. Maybe I'll be brave enough to get off on the next one...